highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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