i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
