I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
