And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
