Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
