i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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