Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
