we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
