becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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