I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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