I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
