i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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