just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
as a side note pls kill me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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