Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She bit a glass in half.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
