i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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