I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
