He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
