final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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