were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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