My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
