She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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