He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
