I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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