My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
