Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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