I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
