He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
