If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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