My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
