Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
