I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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