God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
