i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
