you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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