His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
