4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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