People in love make me want to vomit
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
and you fell through a lawn chair
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
