foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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