hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He better not be in your backpack
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize