plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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