Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
