new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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