I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's shark week go big or go home
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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