How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
