Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
