gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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