I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
