I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
