Someone shit on the floor
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
