Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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