hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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