Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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