so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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