Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
