okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
