I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
