do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
