All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
