Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
