i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
