I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
