Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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