That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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