Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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