No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
