We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
