I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
two words...techno handjob
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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