allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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