so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
